God Created Love

I think God created Love before anything else, once he decided to create animals and people that was put in them, for many reasons, to procreate, attraction, but most of all it was put there so we could understand his love for us. That is why we spend our life seeking it, craving it, needing it, thinking and knowing that with it, we could have a better quality of life. Ok before I get rhetoric on "I don't need love", etc.. yes you do, deep down the thought that someone in the world cares for you like no other is appealing, even if you dont admit it. In the last few months, I have seen alot of manifest ions of love, a fathers love, a grandfathers love, a new love, an old one. People searching for it so deeply they grab any person who seems to be a little interested and mold each word they say into words they think are love, even when you are the one having to carry the conversation, you are the one saying I love you, and more or less drawing those words out of them, an outsider can read the same words or hear them and know they are an automatic response and not one of true love.
Believe me I am not one who can talk with out some knowledge, I would grasp on to relationships thinking they were all I wanted, when I knew they weren't, don't get me wrong, I felt love for these people, but then it was love as I understood it at the time, not true, deep down love, the kind that is of pure understanding, of wanting the better for him, even if I am hurt in the process, true deep love, Christlike love. I wanted to be adored, put above all others, reminded that I matter, and I took the words Love covers a multitude of sins to heart, but that is often taken out of context. If it is true love, one that is suppose to be, there is no true sins to cover. They don't want someone else, they put your want, needs, happiness above their own. They do it with out even realizing they are doing it, because, well because they love you.
A mother knows this love, how many times have you been so angry at your child that if murder was legal they would be history, but love is there, and after a few minutes that mommy gene pops out and you are a little less angry, a small smile covers your lips, and you think, Yep!! that's my kid. That is true love and whether with your mate, child or friend, it is the one that holds true. I remember reading to much into what one lover would tell me, dissecting every line he wrote looking for meaning in the words that showed he did love me, hoping it was not one sided. That this time it was true, poor guy, he was looking for fun and I was looking for love. After him, I loved another, sort of, he was the complete opposite of the last guy, and a GREAT friend, but the way he loved, even though I thought I loved the same way, was not fulfilling to me. I needed true love, the way that God intended, the meeting of two halves that are made whole. Ok, not that you can't be whole by yourself, you can, but its different when you find the one that is your half. Life seems to be effortless when your mate is truly the one for you. When you are with the one that God intended from the start. You laugh more, cry more, enjoy the flavor of the world more. Its not so much a rush in life, but more of adventure. I have been with my Ish a while now, in a few months, it will be a year. Soon our lives will be a lot different then we both thought we wanted when this road first started. But one that both of us can not imagine going to.
But the reason for the blog, lol.. I retrieved some files on my poor sad old laptop who I am trying to retrieve from death. Say a prayer..lol Anywho, I was reading old IM's of mine with someone I loved whole heartedly and thought he loved me to, but now in the reading them, the smell of desperation is so heavy in the air that I nearly gag at my behavior. I wonder how many of my friends, saw this and where being to kind to say anything to me. Or laughing at me behind my back. How I would carry a conversation for hours on end, when all he wanted to do was find someone fun to "play" with. And its not only women who do that, I know a few men that needed to be wanted so bad that they will carry a conversation just to have the touch. (Sorry Daniel if I ever hurt you by being so dang complacent) Lord help me, if I would have looked to God first in this, maybe I would have found what I have now alot sooner. I have a friend, well I think of her a friend, who is engaged to a man she met on facebook a month ago. He was someone she went to school with, back in the day, and he found her, or her him and now 3 weeks later they are engaged. I wonder if it is "God's will" or if it is that need that is so deep in us for that love, the one that makes life so much stronger, better.
I do believe there is "True Love" out there, and its not something you can fabricate, it is something you have to just stay open to, that you keep seeking for and that will come to you when you decide to quit doing it yourself. Its the love that you don't have to lead the conversation, that you can talk hours on end , the one that the newness is still there, in all you do with each other, the kind that allows a comfortable silence to sit between each other, and there is no urgency to have to have a conversation. The kind that is willing to work thru hurt and tears to keep that love near you.
I hope my friend, is happy and that she has found what I have found. I hope that I meet the needs that my Ish searched for in the women before me. And I hope that our new life that is coming for us both, is the icing to an already amazing cake.